As one of my sweet little speech kiddoes would say, I have just four more sleeps until the big day! WOW! I went on a five mile run tonight (my training plan suggested four, but due to being sick I feel as if I have definitely been on the lower end of mileage lately....so I did five tonight...didn't want to go TOO crazy this close to the marathon, of course though ;)) and had so many thoughts running through my head, it really was insane. Psyching myself out, psyching myself up....wow. If anyone could've crawled into my brain and observed they would've had me committed somewhere for sure!!
I want to think positive....but that scares me! That probably sounds totally weird....but I am afraid if I start thinking, saying, "I've totally got this! I've trained hard! I'm prepared! This will be MY race! I am GOING to qualify!"...if I end up NOT getting it (my goal time of 3 hours, 40 minutes, 59 seconds or better)....I will look like and feel like a failure.
Ugh.
As if a marathon is super important and not doing well makes you a failure.
Wrong move: reading running blogs, running-magazine affiliated Tweets and facebook updates, and books this close to the marathon....everything I read is totally just psyching me out. Training tips I come across make me feel inadequate and make thoughts such as the following run through my head, "I should've done that! Darn it! Why didn't I think of that," etc., etc......UGH!
Advice from a friend tonight...."Just show up and run." I need to take his advice and just do that. Pure and simple. Short, sweet, and to the point.
I've trained for this.
I am in the best shape I've ever been.
Let the doubts roll away.....
In three weeks or so.....THEN I can start thinking about eating better for the next marathon, strength training more for the next marathon, doing more runs at my goal pace for the next marathon, getting more sleep and taking better care of my body in preparation for the next marathon....
There will always be another marathon :).
I just want IT to be this marathon!
I know it's only my second.....but I really, really want this.
And now I sound like a spoiled brat. "But I WANT this!"
UGH.
Ok, it's not like I haven't been working hard for it. I don't just expect it to be handed to me.
See what I mean about crazy thoughts going through my mind?!?!?!??! I really might be going crazy, and for what!? For a silly 26.2 mile run that many think I am crazy just to attempt, much less to do WELL in?!
*sigh*
Which begs the question....WHY?!
WHY....do I run?
WHY....does this mean so much?
WHY....do I think I need this?
And that, my friends, is for another post entirely!
I will say, for now,....I run because it truly makes me a better person. A better wife, friend, therapist. It centers me, keeps me sane. Keeps me challenged, keeps me strong. Keeps me healthy, keeps me working toward a goal (however meaningless some may interpret it to be).
Good night, world :).
Oh, and happy National Running Day! :)
~Rache
1 comments:
Well, if you're going to qualify for Boston you need to be a mile per minute faster. The only way that will happen is with some form of coaching. You're losing alot due to inefficiencies in how your body is moving when you run, specifically your stride and arm motion.
You do not realize this, but your stride is slapping you back every time. It is correctable. Also, you need to learn how to run faster and that is biomechanics AND training.
Just some more advice. Whether it's good or not is a choice I leave to you. And, there's no stalking going on, I promise. Again, a butt kicking from Jeremy is of no interest to me.
Post a Comment